


Calamitous

by Bubblesyoh



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Canon Disabled Character, Couch Cuddles, Friendship, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Injuries, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26220775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bubblesyoh/pseuds/Bubblesyoh
Summary: Two times they apologize to each other and three times they are so in love they can't even fool one another.
Relationships: Michael Guerin & Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 8
Kudos: 84





	Calamitous

  
1.

When Alex opens the door, he is not expecting Michael. They don't greet each other; they don't say a word. Minutes pass and they both just stand there, Michael with his shoulders hunched over and Alex trying to understand what's going on.

"Would you like me to leave?" Michael finally asks, voice barely above a whisper. 

Alex shrugs, not knowing the answer to the question just yet, that is until he is reaching a hand to Michael when the other looks over his shoulder, probably contemplating if he is welcomed or not. 

"I need coffee," Alex says opening the door in invitation, pausing when Michael makes no move to join him. "Are you coming?"

"With you?" Michael asks again.

"You look like you could use a cup too."

For a moment there Michael looks at him with grief, jaw working up and down, but no words come out. He takes a step back, his shoulders tense in that way Alex knows it means he was about to run.

"Don't you dare," he warns, and Michael deflates instantly. He raises his hands in surrender and they both sigh.

For all of Michael's drama, he was never much of a crier. It was different to see him bare his emotions so openly, his eyes red and swollen told a million and one things. In less than five minutes he had two cups of coffee in his hands, but Michael still hadn't moved. Alex had never seen him so still, not even when sleeping, it that wasn't right. The silence, the stillness, the obedience, it was such a foreign concept with Michael. _Who was this scared creature in his kitchen?_

Alex opened his mouth to tell him it was okay, that he wasn't mad. But he was mad, he was hurt, he was tired and angry. He makes the mistake of glancing at Michael once more and instead takes a deep breath, counting to ten to calm himself. He repeats the process a few times, then shakes his head.

"Coffee," he offers as an olive branch, pointing to the chair for Michael to sit.

They drink the coffee in complete silence. One of those heavy ones, full of tension and heartbreak, full of unspoken words. Michael fidgets not long after, Alex can see him try to find the words for whatever the reason that brought him to his house. 

"I'm worried you won't be safe." Michael intones carefully. "This alien business will never stop, Alex. And you are right in the middle of it all."

Alex closes his eyes and snorts in incredulity. He almost laughs, but Michael is giving him a wounded look so he elaborates. "I am right where I want to be, Guerin. I can take care of myself."

Michael reaches for his cup of coffee, probably wanting something to keep him busy. "I wasn't in a good headspace that day."

"I know you weren't." Alex agrees right away, "that doesn't mean it didn't hurt me."

"I was cruel. I can stay here and apologize forever. Maybe it was easy to love Maria, but I never loved her the way I love you. I can't promise to never hurt you again, but I promise I will try my best not to." 

Alex nods, there's little more he can do, he nods and doesn't say a word and so Michael continues. 

"It didn't felt right to be with her, but it helped me, Alex. It helped me to see what I truly want and where I belong. For the first time, we are having an honest conversation. I am trying for you and me. For us, and I will give you all the time and space you need."

How many times have they tried to have this talk and failed? It always ends up in accusations and petty words. _How much they hurt each other, how they are not good together, how it was not the right time._

"Thank you, Michael." He says quietly, voice cracking on the last word. He hears Michael slide off the chair. He puts his hands on Alex's shoulder, sliding his arms around him. Alex resists for half a second, and then gives up, burying his face in Michael's neck. 

Michael holds him until they are both breathing normally, and then he looks at him. He puts a hand to the side of his face, cupping it, and Alex leans into his touch. "I don't know how to fix it, I don't even know where to start. And I understand if you'd rather not take a chance on us, but if you're in, so am I. I don't want us to keep hurting each other, I want us to grow and learn and be happy together."

As promises for the future went, this one wasn't much, but at the same time, it was everything. It was nothing like the promises they had made once when young and foolishly in love. But unlike those promises, Alex believed they might be able to keep this one. After all, Michael's voice still makes the warm feelings in his chest bloom. The wrinkles around his eyes, the soft smiles; it makes the longing in Alex's heart grow stronger. 

"I miss you, Guerin. So damn much."

Michael is snotty and tear-stained, and he wipes his nose on his shirt sleeve, but when he looks at Alex, he is smiling and is the most beautiful thing Alex has ever seen in his life. 

  
2.

The cold sweats and tangled sheets. Looming shadows, blood, and screams. The feeling of his heart pounding in his throat as he blinks into the darkness of his room, the all-encompassing terror heavy on his bones. He is a prisoner in his own body. He can't breathe, can't even think. All he knows is alarms are sounding off in every corner of his brain, the memories still so alive and vivid in his mind that he doesn't know where he is for a few seconds.

"Shit," Michael whispers, pressing his hands against his face as he sits back on his bed. His heart hasn't calmed yet, his head is pounding as fast as his heart, his stuttering breath stumbling even as he tries to breathe long and deep. It feels almost impossible to fill his lungs with the oxygen he so desperately needs.

Part of him knows that he is awake, that it was a dream. However, Alex's blood still feels warm slipping through his fingers and the weight of his body feels so real and heavy in Michael's arms. A whimper slips through his lips and it's like that is all he needed to let go of the gripping pain in his chest, tears scorching hot against his cold skin.

There is still a feeling of uneasiness that eats him from inside and that'll stay with him until he sees Alex, alive and breathing. He knows he will not get any more sleep, Alex's bloody face imprinted on the back of his eyelids every time he closes his eyes. Alex is not here with Michael, he is home. To far to make sure he is safe and sound, too far away to touch, too far away for Michael to make sure he is still alive.

He grabs his phone and all he can do is stare and wonder if he should or shouldn't call Alex. Well, the answer was simple. He shouldn't. It's late, and he doesn't want to disturb him. But he wants to. He wants to call him and hear his voice and make sure he is in one piece. Michael wants to forget about the blood and the images that still haunt him.

Taking in a deep breath, Michael closes his eyes and calls Alex. The wait feels almost like an eternity but it also feels too soon and by the time he answers, Michael wasn't ready. He jerks upright as Alex's voice comes through the phone's speakers, a whimper escaping his mouth in desperation.

"Michael?" Alex asks, his voice sounding apprehensive.

.

Alex wakes to the sound of his phone buzzing and the rustle of bedsheets and his heartbeat tripping. He wakes confused and fumbles to answer, panic gripping him the way it always has done when he receives a call at night. There is a shuddery noise, something like a sob, and Alex closes his eyes. "Michael?" he murmurs. "Just breathe, sweetheart."

Michael hiccups out a sob, but he does as he's told, breathes until his breath evens out, and is steady. Until Alex thinks that maybe he's slipping off to sleep. His fingers hitch from want to hold Michael together, trying to undo what he just went through.

"I'm sorry," Michael rasps out and Alex huffs. "I don't want to talk about it." He says before Alex can ask.

"What can I do?"

Michael is quiet for a long time. "I don't... I don't know what I want."

Alex closes his eyes and brings the covers tightly around him. He starts with humming, but when he catches himself he is whispering, voice slow and velvety. His voice was croaky with exhaustion, but soft and slow and sweet. Michael's breathing grew heavy, and for a brief moment, they were seventeen again, the two of them against everything and everyone. Alex finished with a note of finality in his voice, a thin smile on his lips when the only thing he could hear on the line was Michael softly breathing. 

  
3.

"I do not have poor taste," Kyle immediately retorts with indignation.

"Is that the animated version or the live-action version?" Isobel asked while making herself comfortable in the armchair.

"The animated version," Kyle answered before shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth. "You know, the superior version."

"Leave me to die," Michael moans, but it was clearly not serious and Alex rolls his eyes, while Kyle grabs the remote, pointedly leaving Netflix hovering over Die Hard, causing the trailer to play. "Why would you let him pick the movie?"

Alex, patient as ever, shrugs, leaning his crutches against the wall and taking a seat on the sofa. In the dim light cast by the TV's screen and the numerous lamps dotting the room, Michael appears softer than normal. His eyes, usually wild and tired, are gentle and warm. It is a pleasant change of pace, Alex muses, to be able to witness a Michael so open and vulnerable, to see him enjoying himself and having fun.

"Because it's his turn," Isobel offers in response as she reaches across to pluck the remote out of Kyle's hands and Kyle raises his hand above his head, that is until Isobel looks at him for a moment, a wicked glint in her eye and he gives her the remote, wrapping himself entirely up in a blanket in defeat.

"Monopoly was also his idea and you remember how well that went, right?" Michael says elbowing Alex in the side to get his attention. "It was a disaster, I thought Max was going to cry."

Who would have thought something as simple and cheesy as a friends night would be exactly what they needed? Tonight is just the four of them, but it's more than enough. It's a sacrifice Alex is more than happy to take part in. To see Michael cozy and happy, cocooned in Alex's oversized knitted hoodie is the best he's felt in a long time. 

Isobel teases Michael for a good part of the night, Michael lets her and he even cracks a smile at Kyle once or twice. But for Alex, the best part is to snuggle on the couch, a fresh cup of coffee in his hands, and looking at Michael. He was sitting on the other side of the couch, legs curled in under him and he had a blanket wrapped around his back like a cape. His hair was messy and curly and perfect. Alex could stare at him all night.

There were still clashes and squabbles among them both, but somehow it seemed to alleviate the pressure of what it was expected of their relationship. It was hard to see how much they had missed, but fun to do things they never tried together. So when Michael catches Alex staring at him, neither of them looks away or runs, instead they share a smile, serene and carefree.

"You both need to focus on the movie," Isobel mutters. "You've been staring at each other for the last fifteen minutes, it's movie night, not stare at your boyfriend night." 

"I was just admiring the view," Michael says with a wink, grinning wildly and peppering a wet kiss to Alex's cheek, neither of them feeling the need to label their relationship. The first few gatherings they had, there were always side glances and whispered words at how close he and Michael seemed to be. They didn't understand that Alex & Michael have been best friends for a long time, a journey that may have been punctuated with misery and distress, but also a friendship that survived it all. 

"If you weren't such a dick, I would actually say that you can be quite sweet," Kyle mutters under his breath.

Around halfway through the movie, the two had migrated closer to each other; settled comfortably against one another. Alex does not remember falling asleep, but when he wakes up the room is dark, he is warm and comfortable and Michael is asleep with his head on his thigh. He can hear Isobel snickering quietly, but the lull of sleep is too heavy for him to care about anything else.

4.

Michael turned towards Alex and felt a pang of guilt hit him like a bullet to the chest, it was obvious that Alex wasn't doing so well. His unfocused gaze was burning holes in the table where a small vase of plastic flowers was. One of his hands massaging his thigh, probably trying to ease away the pain of a lost limb. Maybe it was the wooded coffee shop walls or just the dark floors, but he appeared to be a shade or two paler than normal. 

Sometimes it was easy to brush aside the fact that Alex could get hurt. That words and actions hurt as much as physical blows. Alex didn't react when Michael took the seat in front of him, his eyes remained glued on the same spot. Up close he looked even worse, dark bruises around his eyes remnant of lack of sleep. There are days when a far-off look appears in his eyes, he gets quiet for a little too long, gets tired, and closed off. Those are the days where they usually stay inside, huddle together for warmth and comfort, and read a book together.

"I'm fine," Alex tells him, now hunched over on the edge of the table. 

"You're not fine," Michael answers back, worrying his bottom lip.

"I'm fucking fine." He whispers-yells with a hitch to his voice.

"It's okay not to be. I don't expect you to be fine. I want you to heal, and you don't rush that." Alex slumps over, dropping his face into his hand with a shaky breath, and Michael continues. "You're allowed to be upset, and you know you can always come to me if you want to. Always."

Alex breath stutters for a few seconds, and he finally glances at Michael. Such a sharp change from the Alex Manes that Michael is used seeing. "Yeah," Alex acknowledges, looking tiny and worn out, a smile on his face, though it was too forced, too painful to look at. 

Michael wants nothing more than to hold him with everything he has, to reassure him and cradle him. Instead, he reaches across the table, covering Alex's hand with his own. 

"I'm right here. You're right here too. We are both here and we are getting there." 

Alex glances in his direction with apprehensive eyes, almost like he is choosing his next words carefully, afraid they will scare Michael away. "I'm sorry, Guerin, for every single time."

Michael wants to ask him why he is sorry, the words are on the tip of his tongue, ready to be spoken when he understands it. He closes his eyes, but he couldn't quite shut off his mind and thoughts. Not when Alex's breaths were growing just the faintest bit uneven with emotion that he wouldn't dare to show just to anyone.

Michael took a moment to compose himself. "Surprisingly enough," he said, "I've gotten used to it."

"I'm sorry." Alex winced and apologized again, almost uncertainly this time. He looked worried, the corners of his mouth pulled down and his eyebrows pinched towards each other.

"I did not mean it like that, Alex. I just never felt you owed me an apology. When we were together, was when I felt the happiest. When you left, I always thought I deserved it. But now that you're apologizing, I realize that maybe I needed you to do it, so thank you, Alex, I will treasure those words."

Alex relaxed just the faintest bit more. He nods and Michael looks at him, this man is the most precious person he has ever laid his eyes on. So, right in the middle of a coffee shop, between the smell of roasted coffee beans and vanilla and strawberry cupcakes, Michael leans over the table, and brushes a soft kiss to Alex's cheek, stroking his thumb across his cheekbones, before pressing another kiss to the tip of his nose.

"I mean it, we didn't deserve the shit we gave each other," Alex whispers in his ear, reciprocating the favor with a small kiss to Michael's temple, lips lingering on Michael's skin for a couple of seconds. "We reached a point in our relationship that we don't have to pretend anymore."

"I know, I forgive you," Michael mumbles back just as softly. 

  
5.

For Michael, falling is a habit. Despite his tendency to act in anger, lashing out that seems to hold as little to none forethought, he's a patient man. He falls, he gets back up, and he repeats that cycle as many times as necessary, he does what needs to be done. Someone else, anyone else, getting hurt because they stuck too close to him, shouldn't be an issue. It's to be expected. And yet Michael's hands are shaking, his fingers soaked in blood.

It was a clean wound. A lot of blood, but uncomplicated; the bullet tore through Alex's arm cleanly. Usually, they were good at avoiding serious injuries. Normally Michael doesn't have to drench his fingers in Alex's blood and feel him shiver as his body goes into shock. It wasn't life-threatening. Alex's going to hurt like hell, and there's going to be a scar, but the gunshot wound had mostly stopped bleeding by the time they arrived at the hospital. 

"Michael," Alex called.

Michael recoiled slightly. "Shut the hell up!" 

He wanted to hold it together, he really did, but everything seemed to hit him at once, all the stress and fear and emotions flooding him like a wave. Every time he lifts his hands and sees the blood, his fingers tremble. He knows that the wound is minor, Alex will not die. But Michael's hands won't stop shaking, he's smearing blood everywhere, and Alex's reassuring smile is going to give him nightmares. The adrenaline seemed to drain from him, his shoulders slacking as tears rose to his eyes. 

Alex throws a glance at him. He gives him a once-over, probably noticing for the first time his blood drenching Michael's hands and shirt. "You should go home and try to rest."

"I will not get some rest!" Michael snaps, realizing one of his hands has curled tightly into Alex's shirt. He yanks his hand away. "You– you just almost died in my arms! You were shot in front of me!" Michael trips backward to avoid Alex's hand reaching for him.

"Hey," Alex breathed, as he offered a hand out for Michael to take. As carefully as he could, Michael took a seat next to Alex on the too-small hospital bed and curled his fingers around Alex's. Alex took a bullet for him. A literal bullet and he could have died. Michael opens his mouth, then shuts it silently. 

"Alex," Michael sighed tiredly, and he wasn't sure where he wanted to go with that. He wanted to scream, scold, cry, and kiss Alex all at once. His heart was still pounding too loud in his chest and breathing caught somewhere between his mouth and his lungs. Alex's fingertips are now resting feather-light beneath his chin, brushing a lock of hair away from Michael's cheek with his thumb. "I want to go home with you," Michael says very quietly.

"I love you," Alex responds back, his thumb drifting down to skim along Michael's bottom lip.

"What?" Michael questions. It was not fair of Alex to say those words when Michael was not able to collect his thoughts properly. It was a low blow to say it after the situation they just went through. If this was a few months ago, Michael may have been inclined to think such a declaration to be manipulation, now he knows it to be true.

"I said, I love you," Alex insisted. Neither of them had confessed their love for one another, as of yet but there was no denying it. Michael knew he loved Alex. He loved the man sitting in a hospital bed, tired and bloody and still beautiful, more than his own life. And in turn, Alex loved him as much.

Michael could feel his nose and eyes sting once more, every ounce of worry, fear, and anger finally bleed out. For a short while, every single one of his previous emotions was replaced with an overwhelming swell of love for Alex. The phantom sensation of being unable to breathe squeezes around his throat, and he puts a palm flat on his chest, forces in a deep breath with his eyes closed. It's okay. They are okay.

"You don't play fair," Michael let out, wet and strangled. He leaned over to brush his mouth over Alex's for a light kiss. Michael went back for another, one that was just a little harder but carried all the adoration he felt for Alex. He tried to pull away, but Alex brought his good hand to cradle the back of Michael's head, and held him there. "But just so you know, I love you back."

Alex's embrace was the only one capable of banishing the nightmares and sorrows. The only thing able to remove the ugliness that always clung and whispered to him. Michael would be lying if he said that he wasn't trembling with the emotions clawing up his throat. He'd be lying if he tried to deny how badly he wanted to curl into Alex and shed a few tears. 

"I'm sorry I scared you. Everything is okay, Michael. I'm here."

Michael nuzzles into his neck, pressing warm lips there. Trailed them down the side of Alex's neck where they stopped and then just breathed Alex in. He snuggled in closer, unwilling to let go of Alex just yet. He lowered his hand to Alex's shoulder, thumb reaching up to caress the exposed skin above the blood-covered bandage. 

There was no doubt, they worked well together. It had taken time, but they had learned, through various trials and errors, how to cohabitate, but still how to give each other their own space when necessary. To be there for one another, but not to be possessive. To just let go, to be happy and in love. Michael and Alex finally learned how to be together, how to love each other forever and ever.

**Author's Note:**

> This is such a mess, but I actually love it! Hope you do too!


End file.
